Friendships

Certain people stir up instant feelings of warmth and a desire for closeness. This can happen with anyone -- big or small, young or old, male or female. I felt this the other night at the cook-out, when I sat next to the eighty-six year old mother from Pakistan. She was a wealth of stories. Even though I had a hard time understanding her due to her thick accent, I simply enjoyed being in her presence.

However, true friendships are ones that go beyond those initial moments of connection. I have experienced intense friendships that have sprung up overnight yet faded with the passing of time and the disadvantages of distance. On the other hand, I also have friends with whom distance is a non-matter; no passage of time or expanse of distance would hinder us from laughing or crying with one another even after playing phone tag for six months.

Friendships that have been tested by fire -- and survive -- are indelibly carved into our memories. I have had my share of friendships that have failed the test, as well as those that have survived. Yet both sets of friendships remain a constant source of reminder that forgiveness and grace can lead to healing.

Then there are certain friendships that change in nature over time, and I become increasingly at lost over how to best love and care for that person. Yet out of loyalty to our past relationship and a hope for a better future one, I hold on. Loving this kind of friend is perhaps the most difficult, for it involves acknowledging that as others change, I must also change. The old way of knowing becomes obsolete, and I am forced to explore new ways of knowing and loving.

I wonder if that is why marriage is so difficult for many people. As couples grow older, enter different stages of life, and face more difficult challenges, people inevitably change. Some grow more cynical, easily stressed, and lose sight of what was once attractive or lovely about the spouse. Yet it could also go the opposite direction as well! I hope that as I grow older, despite having to face many more challenges, I will change in ways that allow Jonathan the freedom to grow.