For lack of words...no title

My apologies once again for the absence. I guess I have some legitimate excuse for not writing as of late. Where am I? Currently, in Santa Clara, California! J and I have been on the West Coast for the past week spending time with parents, cousins, nieces and nephews, and inevitably -- eating our way through the West coast.

Speaking of food, this trip thus far has yielded much food for thought on issues of parenting, mainly because we get questions like this almost everyday now: "So...when do you guys want to start having a family?" Each time, J and I look at each other and shrug our shoulders. Ideally, at least a year, but preferably two or three? We say with our fingers crossed.

After babysitting for our pastor's kids and hanging out here with my niece and nephew, I have a new-found appreciation for parents. I have always known parenting to be difficult, yet this requires a whole new level of self-sacrifice that I am not yet ready to give -- or maybe more poignantly, I am not yet willing to give!

That being said, however, if I were to embark on the journey of parenting with anyone, I'd want J to be with me. Our different strengths (and weaknesses) will hopefully hone and sharpen us to instill godly values in our children. I asked him today, "What are some principles you would like to have or things you would like to do as a parent?"

"To instill in them the value of simplicity," he replied. "One of the strongest forces in the United States is materialism. One wonders why we hardly see in America the spiritual forces that seem to be so active and blatant in other countries: here, we are blinded by materialism."

Having lived in a land of opulence, we have come to expect material goods to satisfy our needs and wants. I never cease to be amazed when I walk into grocery stores, even small mom and pop shops, where aisle after aisle of goods are piled high from floor to ceiling waiting for human consumption. Lately, I have become obsessed with searching for "Made in China" labels, just to confirm my suspicion that China is really taking over the world. Americans may dislike the Chinese for taking their manufacturing jobs, but Americans cannot help but live on the very products that low-wage earning Chinese workers are producing. Materialism feeds this perceived need, and at the end of the chain are the poor and defenseless who endure harsh working and living conditions, just to satisfy the wants of people half-way across the world. Ironically, materialism is also eating its way through China, where the rich are idolizing and buying "American" goods, while the working class can't even afford to buy the very products they make. For a fascinating view of Chinese-American developments, see Ted Koppel's recent series on the Discovery Channel: People's Republic of Capitalism.

I have once heard someone say that you should not share your dreams with too many people. I never really understood why that should be so. Perhaps, by sharing your dreams too openly, you put your dreams at risk of being prodded, poked, or even rejected before they even have the chance to fly. Yet at the same time, by not sharing your dreams, you run the risk of not even flying at all.

Once upon a time, an idealistic me wanted to open a school in China. I don't know how this seed was planted in my head (perhaps my mother had a lot to do with it). Maybe the source of this desire runs even deeper -- back to that time as a sophomore in high school when I was the only one who stood up in response to the call to do missions at a winter conference. China was on my heart, though I had never been there, nor even knew much about her people or history. Over the years, as I have learned more about God, about China, and about my own strengths and passions, my desire to go to China has waxed and waned. At times, I longed to be there like one would long for a homeland she has never seen; at other times, I tired of dreaming and settled for this American life.

Each time someone asks me when I want to start a family, I am all the more confused. I would love for my parents to be readily accessible and close when I have kids, especially when they are young. Having grown up in the States, far apart from my extended family in Taiwan, I longed for grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins to be near me. Thus, I would not want to deprive my parents the joy of seeing their grandchildren grow up. However, doing so would require us to move to California, which means that China would be on hold...

Yet what of China? What of my dreams? What of J's dreams and visions?

The impatient part of me just wants to up and go. Yet perhaps we are here in a holding pattern for yet a while longer. This incubation period is meant to purify, refine, and redefine my notions of passion, vision, success and failure.

Geez...all this from a simple question on parenting...!